Last Days of Summer.....

So I have officially finished all my summer work at COH. It was a pretty awesome internship, I'm not gonna lie but it's still a career I can't see myself doing for the rest of my life. But now I'm at home and it's pretty nice so far. I have a lot of organzing and unpacking to do but I love organizing so it should go relatively smoothly

Today Jessica and I went on a 5 (plus or minus) 1 hour shopping spree. I was actually a very fun and successful trip. We're both trying to update our wardrobe so we at least look our age of 21 now. But even while shopping and doing all these that I used to love to do for hours upon hours, days upon days I still feel like it doesn't help me move to closer to my overall "goal" in life. (If that makes sense at all) I've always felt that I was ment to do a something good with my life....so far I've narrowed it down helping people either through science or dance but those two things in themselves are quite vast still. With all the research projects I've done and exploring what an optomotrist does, I came to realize I didn't like either of those. So currently I am aiming towards med school. It has always been in the back of my mind since I can remember but I've just seeked more obtainable goals. But with my senior year coming, it's about time to make a decision don't you think....??

Last night I was tossing and turning for a least an hour and a half with constant voice telling me these things, unleashing all my insecurities. How will being a dotor be? Will I be happy? Will I be able to have a family? Will I be able to see my family and spend time with them? But wait, can I even get into med school? What options do I have if I don't get accepted anywhere? And I know I am not alone with these fears I guess I just haven't found a way to effectively ease them. But to switch gears, dance is still a big part of my life, will I have to give it up to reach other goals? That in itself as well is very scary to me.

Also, I've been thinking about my piece for Orchesis this next year (see is Orchesis just something that blocks me from what I really want to accomplish in my life or does it provide a healthy outlet for me to vent my daily life frustrations? There is the voice again) I want to really convey these frustrations I have through movement. Try and picture this: We become so involved in our bubble of a world, with our school work, jobs, friendships, relationships, family, roommates, clubs, activities, etc. and I'm sure many of us have thought once or twice, "you know, I really want to do something to benefit other parts of the world, you know ones that don't have all the luxuries I have...." But we always seem to get stuck at the "how to". Sure there are summer volunteer programs, missionaries, etc..... But does that really make a long term good affect. I want to be able to do something that does use the skills and knowledge I have to benefit others who don't have the same opportunties as I do. But there is always a road block.....this road block can be several things - your "bubble" world, finances, etc... So do we just live with the frustration, let it slowly dispate out of our bubble or continue to find ways to seek resolution? I want my dance to be an expression of this frustration. And through exploring this frustration, we might be able to find the best, if not the perfect, solution. So I'm hoping that this dance will also help with some career choices.....we shall see\

Anyways, that was a long bejumblement of thoughts. But yeah I am sad to be leaving Carolyn and Alg...:( We definitely had a GREAT summer together (it was probably my best one since I've been in college) I'll miss the homemade (and not homemade...) boba, RICE :P, eating with chopsticks every meal, random adventures to Chinese markets, *hisses*, episodes of Scrubs and House, cooking really good dinners, my 21 st B-day (thank-you baby sissy!), Magic Mountain and many other things that made this summer AMAZING and super fun! But I do look foward to being at home and spending time with the parentals. I hope to accomplish a few things, work out, tan a little and watch some TV. But we shall see how the last days of summer fall into place....